a blurr

i don't know how it is that i haven't bought any groceries in a month. or that i've moved every 3-5 days since the end of june... or that i'm about to spend my first week-end in my own home since sometime in april.

isn't this some kind of perpetual-motion-pergatory? and the true sign of insanity, for this is all of my own choosing.

and in contrast with the moving-spinning-running-rushing, is the tether that keeps me fixed to the electrical charge of my bloody computer. email now officially owns me. i'm so far gone that i'd seriously consider an implantable connection to this machine. the only redemption, that i can see, is that hard drives spin; like a spun prayer wheel i have been connected to something greater, right? would that it were so.

instead, the electical pulses cauterize the living flesh of love and warmth and connectedness. so here i am, another installment of another cold blue backlit night. human voices re-worked by phone, built-in-speakers, ear-bud headphones, into instant-messaged madness (it's NOT a meeting if no one is met).

thank ? for fuzzy dogs, independent springy curls, the sound of laugher (however trasmitted), and the kindess of near-strangers. and thank ? also for that weak instinct for self-preservation that has (finally) let me share my woes with just about all and sundry.

and coffee should never have been invented.

well, good-night.