send me yourself singing

today i pace. make-work learning tasks to tide me over this hump of frenetic energy. i've been in busy la-la land: full of meetings to discuss this summer's research (yay, got all the funding i wanted to go cavorting around talking to people about how they conceptualize health, where they get their info., what they do about it when they make decisions), meetings to pass the torch of student-initiated, multidisciplinary, "sustainable community development through health promotion" on to the next crop of energetic idealists... all this talk with all these marvelous folk...

the hump of frenetic energy should pass when this absurd role-playing activity, "testing" my facility with mock patients in a cacaphony of souped-up sound bites and rote recitations of lists of questions, lists of ways to touch strangers that i might "know" them, or better yet, "know their problems" is finally finished. diagnosis psychosis. one more hoop in a long line of hoops - a proper obstacle course, but the obstacle all seem the same, dammit (what kinda party is this, anyhow?). and then i'll feed my (hopefully) spent brain with something spicy, something cambodian, something fine and soupy before once more taking refuge in notes and books and the happy home that my head built. and a little blaring music if the other winds don't quite clear the mist.

i think i need colour. sound. i need scale - giant scale. to revel in the magnitute of creative energy that steeps the best tea going. i've got t-shirts to make, collages to construct. i've got columns of words, un-columns of words. i want to stick words to everybody, and then see them ripped off suddenly. maybe lick the welts. maybe just love their redness. and i want voices - choral voices, screaming-whispering dirty secrets in languages foreign. let's make a symphony from the chaos of people singing to themselves. let's. send me yourself singing/humming - just the way you sing to you alone. we can make something lovely, just as we are.