as i ravenously mow down on a fat-covered (avocado) bagel (d'ottawa), i see my gradual transformation towards becoming my father has taken another creeping step forward.
returning from a little road trip - a conference that filled me with ideas and enthusiasm and brought me to new people; a visit with an old and dear friend (a trip to mexico to celebrate his marriage?), and another (happy drinking glowing fun); the happy feeling of witnessing friends with new loves; yummy meals and yellow leaves and sunshine, and not too much sleep.
my head is full of new ideas, too, as i read a challenging treatise on different loves and different lives. new ideas and sadness - because i see echoed in its pages the very words i've heard before. it all makes sense, but these are matters of the heart, not my indominable head, and instead of feeling free, it makes me feel trapped: by what i wish i was but amn't.
and idea upon idea for the world and my work in it. the meek may inherit, but those of action fill in all the worldly colour first! ah, and new ways for the world of play and pleasure too!!
and somewhere, in the back of my mind, silence and nerves. while i've been looking forward, does my world spin on without me?
maybe i shouldn't read alone. but of course i will!
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