as i ravenously mow down on a fat-covered (avocado) bagel (d'ottawa), i see my gradual transformation towards becoming my father has taken another creeping step forward.
returning from a little road trip - a conference that filled me with ideas and enthusiasm and brought me to new people; a visit with an old and dear friend (a trip to mexico to celebrate his marriage?), and another (happy drinking glowing fun); the happy feeling of witnessing friends with new loves; yummy meals and yellow leaves and sunshine, and not too much sleep.
my head is full of new ideas, too, as i read a challenging treatise on different loves and different lives. new ideas and sadness - because i see echoed in its pages the very words i've heard before. it all makes sense, but these are matters of the heart, not my indominable head, and instead of feeling free, it makes me feel trapped: by what i wish i was but amn't.
and idea upon idea for the world and my work in it. the meek may inherit, but those of action fill in all the worldly colour first! ah, and new ways for the world of play and pleasure too!!
and somewhere, in the back of my mind, silence and nerves. while i've been looking forward, does my world spin on without me?
maybe i shouldn't read alone. but of course i will!
24.10.04
19.10.04
what rhymes with morange?
sweet sweet potatoes orange and baking in salty sauce. miso gravy will love them, love them!
i float above the room, bathed in sunshine, filled with bush-tea. fallen leaves below me, singing to the orange light that streams through the curtains.
i'd like to dream a life. but then i'd like to live it. i am dreamer. i am dream.
you can be there too. maybe you're a stranger passing through? maybe you're my mother? maybe a teacher? stay as long as you will - you can come and go - it's all a dream, we're fast asleep.
somewhere there are moons. sometimes there are tunes. the lake hosts a beaver, a giant, some loons. and a red canoe. dreamin' up a red canoe. the love canoe...
i have some dreams in mind. i knew a woman who would sit on the floor of the round homes of her patients. her hand on their knees or shoulders, eyes whatching eyes, ear turned. she treated the healers, in beads and befeathered. she would drive mothers to their dying sons. she wept at her helplessness, but she helped, i'm sure, i whatched her.
i met a gentle man, as we floated, boated to a town where i was bound. he came and crouched with me, where i was writing in the gentle river rain. and he began to talk, and also listen. and he showed me his nails, and a tiny piece of his heart. he is a father, and so he should be.
a couple in a mountain kingdom. children in the yard, with spiral aloes and a thirsty dog. he a teacher, and once a communist. she learning the trade of drugs, who'd left all to be with him, and her past ugly but true in the violence of apartheid.
in this waking dream i'm off to eat my orange salty snack!
i float above the room, bathed in sunshine, filled with bush-tea. fallen leaves below me, singing to the orange light that streams through the curtains.
i'd like to dream a life. but then i'd like to live it. i am dreamer. i am dream.
you can be there too. maybe you're a stranger passing through? maybe you're my mother? maybe a teacher? stay as long as you will - you can come and go - it's all a dream, we're fast asleep.
somewhere there are moons. sometimes there are tunes. the lake hosts a beaver, a giant, some loons. and a red canoe. dreamin' up a red canoe. the love canoe...
i have some dreams in mind. i knew a woman who would sit on the floor of the round homes of her patients. her hand on their knees or shoulders, eyes whatching eyes, ear turned. she treated the healers, in beads and befeathered. she would drive mothers to their dying sons. she wept at her helplessness, but she helped, i'm sure, i whatched her.
i met a gentle man, as we floated, boated to a town where i was bound. he came and crouched with me, where i was writing in the gentle river rain. and he began to talk, and also listen. and he showed me his nails, and a tiny piece of his heart. he is a father, and so he should be.
a couple in a mountain kingdom. children in the yard, with spiral aloes and a thirsty dog. he a teacher, and once a communist. she learning the trade of drugs, who'd left all to be with him, and her past ugly but true in the violence of apartheid.
in this waking dream i'm off to eat my orange salty snack!
18.10.04
16.10.04
astranomical!
had to pose for a photo-op. with an astranaut, aquanaut and a robotics surgery dude. after i'd asked them a "i'm not your greatest fan" kinda question. but being a woman, and the only one in our giant audience asking anything, they insisted on taking my photo - a big event, with giant teleconferenced nasa doctors in the background. so silly. i'm a gender/media slut.
11.10.04
some p omes
some kumkwatologist wrote:
i like her/ and she likes me/ too bad we are three
to which i add: too bad we never could/ see
i like her/ and she likes me/ too bad we are three
to which i add: too bad we never could/ see
7.10.04
calloo caleigh!
oh frabjous day, the hammock is restored!
and the familial fight resolved. there's chocolate again in the house, and all is well, swell, belle.
sunny so sunny warm here this october thursday. off again to the gardens to feed my waste to the world - eat little worms, eat and make supah-soil for to grow up some sumptuous fru-its and voluptuous ve-ge-t'bles.
sunshine shunsine hoorah hoorah hooray.
and the familial fight resolved. there's chocolate again in the house, and all is well, swell, belle.
sunny so sunny warm here this october thursday. off again to the gardens to feed my waste to the world - eat little worms, eat and make supah-soil for to grow up some sumptuous fru-its and voluptuous ve-ge-t'bles.
sunshine shunsine hoorah hoorah hooray.
3.10.04
ninja cool
Check out this ninja cool!
And then there's cool tunage at: cbc radio3. (gotta figure out how to put this down on my permanent tabs)
Hm - heat's on chez moi. Yay walking around in the nude again (once my flesh'nblood departs).
And then there's cool tunage at: cbc radio3. (gotta figure out how to put this down on my permanent tabs)
Hm - heat's on chez moi. Yay walking around in the nude again (once my flesh'nblood departs).
1.10.04
much ado about nothin'
nothin' goin' on. but everything's going on. the sun rises, and sets. the moon spins, and spins. waves crash, raindrops splash into puddles that rise back up through the sky.
somewhere there's an eruption brewing. somewhere...
right here.
oh, and i am learning. little bits about the world, and bigger bits about my world. know thine enemy, know thine self.
here's a dream i have. i am born. borne by warm red waters. lifted into loving arms, that become 8 warm and wet, that become a hammock, that becomes a glistening web. i am suspended in the wind, rocking above the world, seeing all the eight-legged creatures below. but there i am in the sky. and there they are in the sea. there they remain, as they must. there i must stay, as only can it be.
well, not really. but if i dreamed it, my dreamy it would be.
i think i know what i will never be. what i wish not to see. i think it's clear just what i'd choose for me, if only choices were choices and life not just lived.
somewhere there's an eruption brewing. somewhere...
right here.
oh, and i am learning. little bits about the world, and bigger bits about my world. know thine enemy, know thine self.
here's a dream i have. i am born. borne by warm red waters. lifted into loving arms, that become 8 warm and wet, that become a hammock, that becomes a glistening web. i am suspended in the wind, rocking above the world, seeing all the eight-legged creatures below. but there i am in the sky. and there they are in the sea. there they remain, as they must. there i must stay, as only can it be.
well, not really. but if i dreamed it, my dreamy it would be.
i think i know what i will never be. what i wish not to see. i think it's clear just what i'd choose for me, if only choices were choices and life not just lived.
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