got grass?

i bring handfulls of fresh cut grass to class
because it smells good and to share
(but people stare and wonder why, and i wonder why everyone doesn't want some there)

i love the moon, no really i really do love the moon
and sometimes my path bends so that i can follow the light
from the moon instead of the path that takes me into the gloom
of a room in a house with electrical lights

i used to bleed with the moon, and this pleased me but now
not so much but again soon i hope
i'll be that close to that light mixed with dark red blood

my little hairs remain unshorn but the bigger ones i still adorn

and i've got an idea. something to explore. this should be good...

in my naked glory

so, my clothes went missing from the laundromat. i now make my way merrily in a flurry of blue spandex or dress pants, until either my beloved daily-wear clothes are returned to me, or i make it up to value village for some shoppin'. naked would probably be better, but alas, i'm too chilly. anyhoo - if you have m'clothes, i'd love 'em back!

in other news, i get to be a bridesmaid this summer. should be much fun. wasn't sure if my recently articulated opinions on the ultimate union, and such, would disqualify me. but apparément, non!

a song Sara once taught me:
rose, rose, rose, rose,
when will i see thee wed?
i will marry at thy will sire,
at thy will.

ring, ring, ring, ring,
wedding bells on an april morn'
carve your name on a moss covered stone,
on a moss covered stone.

mist

the foghorn was blowing this morning. in through the diffuse white behind my window. and i was trying to keep my dreams.

in one, i remember, i had a child, somewhat deformed. in another, someone else's child, she had a minor heart defect, but was growing, too, at a tremendous rate, and we were great friends. bits of life in fragments mirror-mosaiced in my dreamy mind.

i've been thinking about my friend, with his lovely child-like way of interacting with the world. simply, simply being spontaneous with people. not thinking about impacts and all the chess that everyday life can be.
also difficult. not at all in tune with the rules. bruising egos everywhere, even as he flatters us with his attention. there is no wrong way, of course. i love him for his himness. even if he brings forth my doubts.
and in me there's the desire to be the same, though i wonder if it could ever fit. is it my own wish - to be so free? or my wish to bend to his wish, because of who he is to me, what i would be for him. hard to say.

back to dreams. the future in an instant in this heavy vault, by night. its warf and weft my history.

yum!

Going to rejoin the folk of my summer in Guyana ce soir. You too can enjoy.

But first some soccer in the sunshine (to stretch my aching dragon-propelling muscles).

And the pondering of imponderables, thinking of unthinkables, questioning of unquestionables - you get the picture. Oh, and cookies and tea to fuel the whole business.

i miss

soft touch time in bed shared meals from the pot baths full-up and steaming hot with red wine and crêpes music blaring and dancing in the living room and smoking and wrestling on the couch and games played throughout market mornings with red-eyed coffee-slurping greasy food at the right spot tea sipped here and tea sipped with our favorite goat and napping jammed together as the sun streams in parties masterfully hosted with many very different folk gathered and tipsy and tattooed and mohawked even studiously reading tomes bike rides and value village picnics goo with wine and tasty creamy treats from the piggy playing in the park oh yes and laughing laughing much much laughing and singing and sighing even crying mostly laughing

these are just a few of the things

this day

i had a shower, and the smell of it took me back to this place, but i was not alone then.

i went back for ice-cream today (as hier), and again to the community garden, this time compost bucket in hand.

i learned to row a dragon-boat.

i learned about the mind some.

i talked about sex with my friend at the bar. sex, and dissapointment. 2 separate conversations. and we wondered if i'd be an aunt soon. and we marveled at our lives before - when we worked hard, and played (somehow) harder, and lived impossibly as grad students.

i sat with another friend in the sun and heard about her love and it was lovely she's in love and loving her lover and loved beloved loving every minute, and once in a while she thinks she should be cautious but mostly forgets which is best it is best to test the limits of love and living lovingly. and one day soon her voice will fill the airwaves, and her music. i can't wait.

it was a lovely day.

today, i walked right into

a parking meter!! a good chuckle ensued, and a stranger was good enough to mock me proper.

i was too busy reading a sign spray-painted to the sidewalk, imploring a friend of mine (tim) to call some other person sometime soon.

words wend into mind
taking their toll

feast on feist

leslie feist on CBC radio3. they took her out on the street somewhere, and had her basically busking. first track fab.

isn't it lovely?

borrowed wisdom

someone told me once:

that journals can be bad for health and wellness - according to somebody's study somewhere, it can be bad news to get so far into your own head, dwelling and fussing over sour feelings and such.

that lots of people do what they do because they don't know what else to do (so try to find what will make you happy, not just the next step that presents itself).

that communication is everything.

that reading different newspapers is a good idea.

that baths are great.
that art is great.
that outdoor meals are great.
that good wine is great.
that walking around with as few clothes on as needed is great.
(to which i add: outdoor baths in the nude are great)

sleeeepy - after my first upgrade exécutif

a great many hours spent waiting in an airport. bumpety bumpety bumped from flight to flight and finally. home to sunshine and clouds above our prop-plane and the port-wine stain of turning trees marking the landscape, Ontario!, below.

there were mountains and there was snow. cold lines and grey rock. an icy river too cold even to tempt me in beyond my knuckles. walking and walking up up beyond clouds, past rainbows electric against the white of icy mist and snow-dusted peaks.

this morning, last night, really - tar-filled cracks electric shocks of lightning as the underbelly of our plane rushed past throwing flashes of hallogen bright against the ground - transformed for a moment into a private storm as we raced to take-off. i was half asleep (or wished i was), but i can see the magic of it when i close my eyes.

now i'm back from the energy of youth and plans to change the world. and i should return to regular life lickety split. the quiet of my empty house (brother visiting my like-named maybe sister-in-law de futuro), but for the hum that houses my fishies.

a demain.

weenie me?

somebody thinks i'm a weenie. all bloggy-this and bloggy-that. is he right? am i really an exhibitionista nerdica? peut-être... but maybe i like it that way, steve.

so now i'm back from T-bay. that's right, the superior visit. munching on tasty treats by the wood stove, early morning frigid dips in the lake, hiking and biking and solo skinny-dipping in rushing rapids. needless to say, it was loverly. and here i am back at home. my apartment has been slightly remodelled (for the best, i'll admit) by the presence of my brother, though i miss the hammock that was torn from its tether by his immense weight.

and now i'm back at school (what a familiar refrain that has become). trying once again to fill my little head with words and names and diseases and treatments and all the rest. it's true that i missed the most part of neuroanatomy (praying that the familial legacy, papajohn, will pass on to me over great distances instead), but i'm here with bells on for the rest!!

oh, and another year seems to have passed in the silence between this entry and the last. my poor parents must not quite be able to believe just how old it is i've become. i sure don't feel any wiser, but i might just be ageing. i learned today that i am losing dopamine-secreting cells (the ones that keep parkinson's disease at bay, they say) at the rapid rate of 10% per decade. wow. (hey - you are too - this is no confession of impending morbidity). well.

oh, and in case anyone's wondering. my "thought of the day" (they're rare - might as well document occasionally) is that it might be worth working harder to exploit placebo effects in trying to promote wellness and such. so i think warm baths and massages and even virtual sex (!) might just find their way into my prescribing regime in the future. whatdya think about that!!

clearly i'm into rambling territory again. time, i think, to stop for now. but whatch out, as high speed internet is finally coming my way bientôt!